


Eddie Kaspbrak Grows Up

by Aestheticdenbrough



Series: losers growing up [5]
Category: IT (1990), IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Asthma, F/M, Gym, Running Away, Yelling, elvis music, his dad has lung cancer, losing a parent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2019-06-15 18:52:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15419382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aestheticdenbrough/pseuds/Aestheticdenbrough
Summary: Eddie learns how awful his mother truly is, growing as a person and snapping more than once on the way.





	1. Jailhouse Rock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie spends time with his father at the near the unknowing end of his life.

The buttery voice of Elvis Presley soars through the Kaspbrak living room. Eddie's toes tip to tip with the tips of his father's toes, grinning wildly. They shuffle back and forth across the living room to the beat, Frank's laugh ringing through the air and Eddie's toddler giggle almost rivaling the volume of Frank's.

Frank sways their arms around, letting go of one of Eddie's arms to twirl him in a careful circle, "Ah! My boy is definitely going to be a dancer one day," he grins, tapping Eddie's nose while the small boy smiles proudly.

Jailhouse Rock comes on and Eddie shakes his hips side to side, his hands placed on his waist. "He's got it!" Frank laughs, mimicking the movement of his son, "Sweetheart! Our son is gonna be a star!" He calls to Sonia in the kitchen. 

She comes out looking flustered, a sigh escaping her lips when she sees it, "Frank-," she starts before signing again, "You trying to make him gay?" She asks, brushing the flour off her hands on her apron.

"Ah c'mon son', lookit him, he knows what he's doing," Frank grins, standing next to Eddie and moving his own hips in sync with eddie's with an innocent grin.

Mrs. Kaspbrak disappears back into the kitchen, seeming frustrated with the both of them. Frank sighs sadly, taking Eddie's hands again, "Hey, little man, don't mind her, be who you are," he says to Eddie softly, making sure their eyes meet.

Eddie nods, this being normal for his family. Half of his lip curls into a grin to reassure his dad, his protector really, his advocate in life. "What's gay mean?" He asks, his young face holding nothing but childish curiosity.

Frank gets on his knee in front of his son, "It means a boy who likes boys, people think it's wrong," he says solemnly, trying not to influence his kid's opinion himself, He gets to think for himself.

He gets back up, standing straight up and hoisting Eddie to his hip, swaying his own hips back and forth and bouncing him around, spinning in a circle, having both of them a pleasant mixture of dizzy but content. 

He stops for a bit to pant and catch his breath, "I'm getting old," he chuckles with a wheeze, ruffling Eddie's fluffy blonde locks. He looks at his son and sighs, the messy bowl cut shaped hairdo he has because that's all Sonia knows how to do, charming brown eyes, and a smile that could go on for days. He hopes, that for his son, that smile never goes away.

He lets Eddie back down to the floor, patting his head again. Then, Frank does something Eddie would have wished he remembers. Frank sings, his voice smooth and buttery like Elvis' but somehow better simply because it's his dad and not some popstar.

The two continue on their dancing, twirling around the living room clumsily, laughing all the while. "Eddiebear! It's time for your medicine!" Sonia calls from the kitchen. His medicine, unlike in his future, are actually supplements that probably help. 

He may only be four years old, but he already knows how much he dislikes this, he whines about leaving the living room and his father and the dancing, but his mother insists that he needs them to stay healthy and he complies, trudging off to meet her by the medicine cabinet.

He swallows the bitter pills without any more argument, his face turning sour when the chalky kind leave an unpleasant taste in his mouth. "Done?" He asks his mother, automatically opening his mouth and moving his tongue around to prove it.

She nods, her sickeningly sweet smile being returned by a small, awkward smile of his own as he slides off the closed toilet seat and out of the bathroom, perfectly content that that is finally over, a round of at least seven pills. None of which that he could tell you what it's meant to do.

All Sonia Kaspbrak knows is that she needs to keep her son healthy, that he's going to get _sick_ if she doesn't do this, her _job_ is to keep him _safe_ in a world full of everything unsafe.

Eddie slinks off to the kitchen, pulling himself up into his designated chair, designated by his booster seat, as he's always been small for his age. He kicks his chubby legs back and forth and eavesdrops slightly on the yelling he hears in the hallway, albeit not very easy to ignore anyways.

"How!? Do you tell a _four_ year old that his _dad_ is _dying_?" Sonia shrieks at her husband as he only responds by flinching and cowering at her tone, until he finally does respond, his voice low and calm enough to where Eddie could not hear it from the other room.

"Son', we don't know yet," he reasons, "The chemo may not be working but- still, options, Sonia, don't kiss me goodbye just yet," he says softly, sounding solemn, seemingly having aged several years since he'd been playing with Eddie in the living room.

He puts his hands on Sonia's shoulders, "And if I do die? He'll have the memories, just don't let him forget. And please, please, _please_ just make sure he's happy," he begs, holding her gaze in an almost commanding way, noticing her lower lip trembling with his words and pulling her into a hug.

"We should probably go give the kiddo dinner, yeah?" Frank suggests as he pulls back, patting Sonia's shoulders comfortingly.

Sonia agrees, following Frank into the kitchen where she'd put a premade pizza in the oven, not much a cook on her own, and they often ended up eating unhealthily.

She puts a piece on a plastic plate for Eddie, placing it in front of him, getting plated for herself and Frank next, serving them. 

For a while the only sound is the soft crunch of the overdone crust and breathing, until Frank looks over at Eddie with a mischievous grin and screamed childishness.

"Knock knock?" He challenges the young boy, watching his face light up in expectation for their usual joke. 

"Who's there?" Eddie asks with a grin that made him look equally as much of a troublemaker.

"Orange," Frank says simply, teasing Eddie even further.

"Orange, _who?_ " Eddie asks with a giggle, awaiting the usual response.

"Orange your glad I'm not a lion?" His father says with a bellowing growl, getting out of his chair to swing Eddie out of his and into his arms.

He tickles him until his face is red and almost tearful with the laughter, "Ready for bed, Eds?" He asks, pinching his cheek.


	2. Defiance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie decides to do something just for him for once in his life.

Eddie has hated gym class for as long as he can remember. Not for the reason any other kid dislike it. Many of them actually love it, and he's the only one who grumbles when the teacher announces that it's their gym day or even worse, field day.

The kids who do dislike it don't like running or aren't coordinated or are upset because they always get picked last for kickball. The only thing he could say to them is that he doesn't get picked at all.

His mother rants and raves to the teachers about his severe asthma and that he's sick and he can't do gym, and it's resulted in no less than him having to sit on the bleachers alone with a book during every gym class of his second grade year.

He's told to read or do his homework but he can't help but watch the other kids run and laugh and trip and fall and he even envies them for that, he just wants to be a normal kid like his classmates.

He moves around on the bleachers, squirming and looking around. There's a lime green piece of chewed gum under the bench in front of him that has him scooting up another level. 

His classmates are running laps, something he'd do if the teacher would let him. He loves the feeling of making himself move. He likes the control that sports require, feeling in control of himself makes him feel so alive, almost makes him forget about his mother to some extent.

Next, the gym teacher brings the red whistle from around his neck up to his lips and letting the screech break the giggles of the second graders chasing each other around the gym.

The teacher gives directions to set up the game, kickball again. Eddie has always wanted to play but here at the age of nine years old he's never gotten close to playing kickball in his entire life. 

He watches with an out of character childish pout, crossing his arms over his chest with a huff. He stands up tentatively and stomps his way off the bleachers, past the kids playing, and all the way to the gymnasium doors. He huffs his angry self all the way to the principal's office.

He lets himself in, a familiar face to the office staff due to his monster of a mother. He carries himself all the way to the principal's desk, "I want to play games in gym," he says in a demanding voice that he only brings up when it's necessary.

"Eddie, you know you can't, your asthma," the man reasons back calmly just in the way his mother would. There's a reason he doesn't like any of the adults in Derry.

"I have an inhaler for that," he says in a biting tone, his eyes glowing at the man sitting across from him, with him being as short as he is and the man sitting down they're just about at the same height.

"I can't go against your mother's wishes, she'll have my head, you know this, Edward," the man continues in his sickeningly calm tone, his face free of tension as his gray eyes stay locked with Eddie's.

Eddie's expression falters for a split second, "I thought you were supposed to have my best interest at heart!" He exclaims, seeing his principal's calm expression dampen before storming off before the man could respond. He's always had an explosive temper.

He doesn't go back to class, though, feeling impulsive and restless and like he just needs to go. He walks right past the office staff despite their efforts to talk to him, they'd likely heard the shout from in the office.

He takes a mint from the bowl, opening it and dropping the wrapper to the floor as he pops the candy in his mouth, stepping on the wrapper as he goes, the crunch under his sneaker only fueling how good this moment of defiance feels, despite the fact that it'll likely be short lived.

He puts his hand on the door, pushing it open with only the slightest bit of hesitation, his feet finally hitting the sun warmed pavement, he hears the voices of the staff but he doesn't _care_ somehow.

He takes off, his breathing erratic and his sneakers getting more use than they have in weeks. He runs and runs and runs until he looks behind him and realize there's no reason to anymore and he's allowed to catch his breath.

But once he does, the slapping of rubber against asphalt starts up again, a satisfying sound that makes Eddie feel more powerful than he ever has.

He reaches a wooded area, the chirps of birds and crickets luring him in like they're singing him a welcome. _To freedom_ , he adds mentally. He walks down the path to the edge of a cliff over some sparkling waters.

He sits down carefully on the thin edge, kicking his legs back and forth as he gives himself time to think and settle in to his actions. He knows he'd acted on impulse, and that it was a genuinely awful idea. But he doesn't regret it.

He knows he's bound to be grounded for weeks and his mom would threaten to asylum again, though Eddie knows himself that his mother likely belongs there's more than he ever could. 

All these ideas would usually race through his mind, a quick paced trail of anxiety that could go on for hours. But for once, he feels at peace. Running feels so _good_ , which may only be for the fact that it's forbidden. Only god would know, all Eddie knows is that not _once_ did his fierce sprint from the school trigger his asthma in any way.


	3. Soar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie learns that he loves to run. His mom always says he shouldn't with his asthma, she wants to stop him, but he still finds a way to join the Derry High track team with a little help from his friends.

Running brings Eddie a calm mixed with a sense of adrenaline that he could never explain to someone in coherent words. He feels his legs soar as he sprints. He loves the few milliseconds he gets of catching air. It’s almost like flying- yes, flying. Some people would only run if they were being chased, but Eddie can’t get enough of the power he gets from it. His mom could never know, so he always stops at Bill’s after his runs. The summer is the best time, he can wear running shorts and a shirt, going to Bill’s to fill up his water bottle with cold water. The he and Bill would sit on the couch and eat apple slices with peanut butter, it’s Eddie’s favorite post-workout snack. What he soon realizes is that it may be hard to keep up with his morning rus once they start their freshman year of highschool in a week.

He’d wake up at six the majority of the time and go running then, but he’d have to be by the bus stop by six forty-five which doesn’t leave much time for a run and a shower. What he realizes would be great is if he could join the track team or even the cross country team. He just needs to find a way to hide it from his mother. He could run and feel powerful but also get further rewarded for the successes that can come of it. He’s hoping that he’ll be able to be on the team at all, he knows he’s a good runner but he’s probably not been working at it as long as some of the other kids have been. He hasn’t been raised to be an athlete, he’s been raised in a bubble and told that he’s more fragile than all of the other kids.

He decides to ask Mike Hanlon for help. Mike is one of his close friends, he’s really sweet and often has good ideas. Bill has good ideas and all but he thinks Mike would know better what to do this time. During his free period, second hour study hall, he decides to go down to the library. Mike finally started public school with his friends, the other losers, just this year, and within a month he’s already the librarian’s favorite assistant along with this boy named Ben Hanscom. They help out during different hours though, and they’ve never actually talked. 

Eddie leans over the counter and peeks down under it to see Mike working on his Algebra homework under the desk. He smiles and taps the top of Mike’s head to get his attention. Mike’s neck leans back to come and meet Eddie’s eyes, his own eyes wide and fearful at first. “Oh, hey Ed,” he greets a little more calmly as soon as he realizes that it’s only his friend and not someone out to get him. He closes the thick textbook with an airy clap, moving it off of his lap and onto the floor to use his hands to help himself up to his feet. “How can I help you, Edwardo?” he asks finally as he gets to his feet.

“I want to join the track team,” Eddie spits out quickly, “But my mom would never let me so I need your help.” He rocks back and forth on his heels and toes anxiously. Asking how to hide something this big from his mom is so much better in theory than in practice.

Mike’s face crinkles in thought at Eddie’s request. He then opens the flap of the counter to let Eddie behind the desk with him to have more privacy. “Let’s brainstorm on it,” he says, sitting cross legged under the desk again. He pushes his reading glasses up on his nose and flips to an empty page in his notebook. Eddie smiles at his seriousness and sits across from him, their knees bumping as he gets himself situated.

They talk for the rest of the period, cracking a few jokes through the conversation as well as coming up with a clear plan. The new plan is for Mike to go to the activities director to start a study club. He’ll set it up so that all the meetings line up with the meetings for the track team. That way Eddie can show his mom all of the information for the study club and still go out for the track and field team. Eddie leaves the library feeling fully satisfied, he can almost feel the jolts of energy go through his legs. It’s a sort of feeling authority over his own life, something his mom can’t control or ruin for once.

Just for good measure he jogs half of the way home, giving himself the other half of the way to catch his breath so there would be nothing for his mom to notice. He’s rebelled enough for today, he doesn’t need to push the limits any further. He drinks a cool glass of orange juice when he gets home, drinking it all in one gulp before chewing at about a third of a granola bar. He’d like to think that he’s somewhat responsible with his eating habits, one of his greater fears is becoming like his mom in that way. She hardly eats properly. Her diet is extremely carb heavy and he’s sure that she must at least be a pre-diabetic. All of her years of instilling medical fear into him and now he even projects that back at her, but he’s probably much more accurate in his amateur diagnosis than she ever has been on him.

He takes a shower next, mostly to wash away the sweaty feeling he’s left with after his run. For most parents it would be fishy and like he’s trying to hide something as soon as he arrived home, but Sonia encourages it. She wants him to wash away all the germs of the world around him before using any of his own things in his house. Eddie knows it’s weird but at least he’s able to use it to his advantage.

By the next week Eddie is able to show his mom the flyer for Mike’s study club. She turns up her nose at the fact that the club was started by a black boy, but the idea of her son putting more effort into his grades is tempting. She takes another bite from her burger, she’d gotten them McDonald’s for dinner. She considers the idea as she chews slowly and meaningfully. “Fine, but you need to leave that early on Fridays,” she starts before taking a noisy slurp from her (diet) Coke. “Nothing good happens between teenagers on Friday nights.” After that, it’s clear that she’s finished speaking, and Eddie’s finished his nuggets and fries, so he asks to be excused to his room for bed. He’s allowed, which brings him a breath of relief, he hates sitting with his mother as she eats, or even at all.

Changing into his pajamas is always his favorite part of his night routine. He likes to study himself in the mirror and admire how his thighs are getting more muscular and the rest of him is getting more toned, it’s another way to remind himself that he’s really in control of himself and he can be. He can run and play like everyone else, and it can even change his body for the better. It’s a feeling very specific to Edward Kaspbrak. He’s always had all the control in his life ripped from him by his mother, but now being a teenager, his rebellious phase is all about taking it back. It’s a well deserved phase. Laying in bed in the blue toned darkness of his room brings him a sense of comfort. Not like the comfort of his friends (particularly Bill), more the comfort that he is actually real, he’s a part of the universe. Feeling small is important sometimes, once in a while. Sleep easily takes him over in this soft soothed state, one he’s more than thankful for.


End file.
